With Josh, who has autism, the evaluation dug into how his mother’s overzealous interventions exacerbated Josh’s anxiety and his challenging behaviors. It also revealed how his mother’s interference with his father’s parenting time through her constant text, calls and emails was damaging. Josh needed an unfettered place to play and engage with his father. While the Judge in that case did not change custody to his father, he put his mother on notice to get the support she needed to stop interfering with his father’s relationship with Josh or he would change custody. Fortunately, the recommendations in that case were excellent and his mother followed them, ending the litigation for that family. Child’s attorney. Sometimes giving the child an attorney to help them have a voice when the situation is so adversarial is essential. In Timmy’s case, where his father was overly emotionally enmeshed with him, the child’s attorney effectively promoted a parenting plan that empowering Timmy to decide where he would spend time between the two parent households. When Timmy had this freedom, he began spending most of his time with his father. Soon, Timmy became overwhelmed and, with the help of his attorney, he was able to simply make a different decision. While Timmy’s attorney did not help fix the entrenched emotional problems in the family, the attorney gave Timmy the tools he needed to assert himself effectively. Parent coordination. In the most difficult of situations, having a parent coordinator work with both parents to resolve conflicts is essential to best protect the children from the conflict. For Sally, bonding with her mother was interrupted due to the limited parenting time set by the emergency order. This motivated her mother to go into treatment and get help. Coming out of treatment, a parenting plan was put in place to assure Sally’s safety and promote her mother’s recovery. But her mother failed repeatedly, which often happens with substance use disorder. Fortunately, the parent coordinator appointed provided strong, tough support to her mother and she eventually found recovery. I remember her mother telling me how much she hated her parent coordinator. She didn’t want the accountability and the oversight. At the same time, she wanted to parent her daughter more. Eventually, things worked out and Sally was able to have meaningful relationships with both of her parents. In the end, do these tools create happy children and families? Sometimes but not always. The conflict creates the harm. Then how do we create tools to protect vulnerable children? First, we lean deeply into how we can work with our clients from the outset, helping them see their role in fostering healthy children. Our roles as lawyers are to zealously represent our clients. Sometimes our clients can’t see what they really need and how their disdain, hurt and anger can harm themselves, their kids and their future ability to parent. Knowing what tools and strategies are available to help is really important. Better yet, we must work to create a society that values children and focuses on what children need. We need a society that gives children more support beyond the family they live in. We need to make sure our schools are strong, there’s adequate children’s mental health services and our elected leaders understand the cost and consequence of not investing in children. That investment for children needs to be present at the earliest of ages, starting from before they are born and especially through the age of eight years old, when they are being formed with all their synapses and brain connections. Trauma destroys generations. We’ve seen with COVID-19 pandemic how children who have been isolated struggle, and how the schools are overwhelmed with behavioral challenges and children who are seriously lost. I know that complete answers wrapped up in unicorns and rainbows do not exist. When it comes to our kids, there are no unicorns and rainbows. The magic and the beauty has to be created around them so their growth and maturity can happen in a place of safety and security. I challenge you to look at what it is in your life and practice, and what drives you to continue in this work. Then take it one step further to look at the broader context and ask, “What can I do to create a more peaceful world?” Only by looking at the world through this lens, can we, as a community, create the tools necessary to truly protect vulnerable children. ”Better yet, we must work to create a society that values children and focuses on what children need. We need a society that gives children more support beyond the family that they live in. ” 45 Trial Lawyer | Summer 2024
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy Nzc3ODM=