Holding Space for Growth After Trauma by Meredith Holley “Well, guess what?” a former client, whom I will call Margaret Hall, recently emailed me. “I just got invited to be a keynote speaker at a conference!” This was an inside joke between us that might not sound as hilarious as it is because you were not there for her first consultation. It was late Spring of 2018 when I first met Hall and I had only recently started my own practice. I left a firm in late 2017 to focus on helping employees resolve harassment and discrimination issues without losing their jobs. When I designed my business, I decided to create an almost completely online practice. This was before the COVID-19 pandemic made remote meetings ubiquitous, but to me it was an important decision for three reasons. In part, this seemed more financially responsible than carrying the weight of a lease; in part, I am an incredibly distracting person to work with in an office setting, even to myself; and in part, I noticed that in-person office spaces can create accessibility issues and feel very intimidating to clients who are already struggling with feeling marginalized and abused at work. For example, when my clients who had sexual assault claims needed to park and come up a fancy elevator with security people monitoring, it often took them three or four cancellations before they would make it to their appointment. Online, they show up in whatever clothes are comfortable to them and with whatever comforts they need. Hall was one of the people who appreciated the accessibility of an online consultation. We first met on Zoom and, for part of the meeting, she was under a blanket and shaking so badly I got a little bit seasick watching her on video. She told me she recently received several medical diagnoses, including those typical of people experiencing harassment at work: high blood pressure, hair loss, weight loss, sleep disruption and panic disorder. Her doctor also believed the stress she was under was developing into an autoimmune disorder. She was struggling to get out of bed and experiencing complete collapse. At the time, I was still learning how to do an effective consultation, as we never learned that in law school. I was practicing the two questions that are key to any sales conversation: (1) What is an ideal outcome to this problem for you? (2) What is the biggest challenge you are facing in trying to create that outcome? Hall, like many people in a harassing work environment, struggled with the first question. At one point, I believe she said her ideal outcome would be to feel well enough to get out of bed and go to work. That was about as far as she could think and even that was a stretch. It did not feel realistic to her to expect that. Only a couple of years before, Hall was at the top of her field. She was working under someone who was groundbreakingly influential in his work. They were so successful they were traveling internationally, making a tangible difference locally and in other countries. Unfortunately, that was when her boss told her he was in love with her. Hall looked up to him, seeing him as a mentor and an inspiration. She believed he was a genius and could do no wrong. She saw him as the reason for her successes and she could not imagine working without him. When she rejected his romantic advances, telling him she loved her husband and saw him as only as a mentor and friend, he was crushed. He spent days crying, he struggled to be around her after that. He withdrew and blamed her for his declining mental health. She felt awful. She knew she did not have romantic feelings for him, but she did not want him to suffer. He started assigning work to another woman working for him. Hall accepted this, feeling badly for rejecting his advances. Ultimately this meant Hall was almost completely cut off from the work that built her career and that she loved. A narrative started in the workplace that Hall was difficult to work with and just a problem in general. Support staff started delaying work Hall assigned them and “forgetting” to order her supplies. Hall bought into this narrative because she continued to defer to her boss’s judgment: The real problem was Hall rejected his advances, not that he made them and was weaponizing his feelings against her career. At the same time, Hall knew she did good work. She knew she shouldn’t be excluded from big events simply because she MEREDITH HOLLEY helps resolve toxic workplace conflict through workplace conflict mediation and coaching. She is the founder of Eris Conflict Resolution and co-host of the Empowered Communication Podcast. She can be reached at [email protected] or 458-221-2671. 14 Trial Lawyer | Fall 2024
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy Nzc3ODM=